“Ross and …”
The phrasing has a simple but meaningful structure:
Ross is present first. Then life is included.
This is especially appropriate now that “Ross” is becoming a place of greater safety, dignity, self-acceptance, and loving presence. Instead of beginning with fear, pain, Jesus, another person, or a difficult memory, you begin by coming home to yourself.
The practice might be understood as:
First, Ross belongs. Then everything else may belong beside Ross.
This is not selfishness or ego inflation. It is healthy grounding. You are not abandoning yourself in order to deal with another person or experience.
Why the phrasing may work
1. “Ross” establishes a compassionate centre
Saying your name can help gather attention and create a felt sense of personal presence:
“Ross is here.”
Your name represents your whole humanity—not merely a problem, role, diagnosis, memory, or emotion.
2. “And” creates space without rejection
“Ross and fear” is different from:
“Ross is fear.”
“Ross is controlled by fear.”
“Ross must eliminate fear.”
The word and places Ross and fear together without making them identical. Fear becomes something Ross can know, accompany, and understand.
3. It prevents self-abandonment
When another person becomes emotionally important, it can be easy to lose contact with yourself. Saying:
“Ross and my son.”
“Ross and my wife.”
“Ross and this criticism.”
quietly reminds you that Ross remains present in the relationship.
4. It allows inclusion without approval
“And” does not mean:
- I agree with this.
- I approve of what happened.
- I must tolerate mistreatment.
- I am responsible for fixing the other person.
- Ross and the other person are the same.
It means only:
Both are being acknowledged within awareness.
5. It can support purification
“Purification” can be understood gently—not as removing something dirty or bad, but as allowing fear, resentment, grief, shame, and confused relationship patterns to be met by truth, awareness, compassion, and love.
What is consciously and lovingly held may gradually become less controlling.
The Ross-and Practice
Step 1: Establish Ross
Pause and gently say:
“Ross.”
Let your name settle into the body. Feel the breath, chest, face, hands, or feet. There is no need to manufacture a special feeling.
You might add:
“Ross is here.”
“Dear Ross.”
“Just Ross.”
“Ross, safely here.”
Step 2: Add the second presence
When you feel reasonably grounded, say:
“Ross and fear.”
“Ross and Jesus.”
“Ross and sadness.”
“Ross and my daughter.”
Speak slowly enough to feel both sides of the phrase.
The word and can be treated almost like a gentle bridge.
Step 3: Notice what happens
Do not immediately analyze. Notice:
- Does the breath deepen?
- Does the chest soften or tighten?
- Does Ross feel closer or farther away?
- Does the second person or experience feel less overwhelming?
- Is there peace, resistance, numbness, warmth, or nothing noticeable?
Every response is information. Nothing has to happen.
Step 4: Let the relationship be known
Repeat the phrase perhaps three times:
“Ross … and … fear.”
You can leave a small pause before and after and.
Allow Ross and the experience to coexist without forcing closeness, forgiveness, change, or resolution.
Step 5: Add a blessing when appropriate
After the simple phrase, you might say:
“May this be well understood.”
“May Ross remain safe and present.”
“May fear be held with kindness.”
“May this relationship rest in truth.”
“May love show the wise way.”
Step 6: Return to Ross
Always consider closing with:
“And now, just Ross.”
or:
“Ross is still here.”
“Ross remains with Ross.”
“Ross, safely home.”
This is especially helpful after working with a difficult person or memory.
Different forms of the practice
Ross and Jesus
“Ross and Jesus.”
This can express relationship, companionship, trust, and shared presence. It does not demand a particular spiritual experience.
Possible developments:
“Ross and Jesus, here.”
“Ross and Jesus, calmly abiding.”
“Ross and Jesus, held in love.”
“Ross and Jesus, meeting this fear.”
Ross and an emotion
“Ross and fear.”
“Ross and loneliness.”
“Ross and anger.”
“Ross and grief.”
This helps prevent over-identification. Ross is not reduced to the emotion.
A gentle sequence could be:
“Ross.”
“Ross and loneliness.”
“Loneliness is being known.”
“May Ross and loneliness be held gently.”
“Just Ross.”
Ross and another person
“Ross and my daughter.”
“Ross and my son.”
“Ross and my wife.”
“Ross and Mother.”
This can bring a relationship into awareness without immediately entering its story.
You might then ask:
“What happens inside Ross?”
“What does Ross need here?”
“What belongs to Ross?”
“What belongs to the other person?”
“What is the loving boundary?”
Ross and a memory
“Ross and the twelve-year-old memory.”
With difficult memories, remain very gentle. You do not need to relive the event. The purpose is not emotional flooding, but safe acknowledgment.
You might use:
“Present-day Ross and young Ross.”
“Ross and this old memory.”
“Ross is here now.”
“Only what feels manageable.”
Ross and the body
“Ross and this tired body.”
“Ross and this pain.”
“Ross and this tight throat.”
“Ross and this breathing.”
This wording respects the body without treating physical symptoms as the whole of Ross.
A three-depth approach
Light practice
Use neutral or pleasant pairings:
“Ross and breathing.”
“Ross and morning light.”
“Ross and this room.”
“Ross and Jesus.”
“Ross and gratitude.”
Moderate practice
Include ordinary difficulties:
“Ross and uncertainty.”
“Ross and disappointment.”
“Ross and criticism.”
“Ross and loneliness.”
Deep practice
Approach painful memories or relationships only when you feel sufficiently grounded:
“Ross and the young frightened part.”
“Ross and Mother.”
“Ross and betrayal.”
“Ross and the fear of rejection.”
If the body becomes overwhelmed, stop adding the second element and return to:
“Ross.”
“Ross is here now.”
“Feet on the floor.”
“This moment is enough.”
“And” compared with “with”
Both can be useful, but they have slightly different qualities.
“Ross and fear” acknowledges two realities. It is spacious and non-demanding.
“Ross with fear” suggests active companionship or staying present with fear.
A wise progression may be:
“Ross and fear.”
“Ross is safely with fear.”
“Fear is being known.”
“May fear be well understood.”
Begin with and when “with” feels too intimate or demanding.
Important safeguards
Do not use the practice to pressure yourself into forgiveness, affection, or closeness. “Ross and this person” can include clear boundaries, distance, disagreement, and self-protection.
Do not repeat a difficult phrase mechanically when your body is becoming increasingly distressed. The healing element is not repetition alone; it is the quality of presence accompanying the words.
And do not treat discomfort as failure. Sometimes the phrase reveals exactly where tenderness, fear, anger, or protection is living.
A concise daily form
Morning:
“Ross.”
“Ross and this new day.”
“May Ross remain present.”
During difficulty:
“Ross and this.”
“Both are being known.”
“No need to solve it now.”
Evening:
“Ross and everything that happened today.”
“May it be well understood.”
“And now, just Ross.”
The heart of the practice
The deepest movement may be:
Ross does not have to disappear for anyone or anything else to be present.
Ross may remain established in dignity, awareness, and love—and from that foundation, Jesus, fear, family, pain, memories, gratitude, and the whole human experience can gradually be included.
A fitting summary phrase is:
“First Ross. Then love includes.”